DM: You lose your balance and fall backwards. And as you land, you hear something in your bag break.

Warlock, remembering he has four(4) jars of live bees in his bag: Oh no.

The Circle of Slice….

The guardian of two gates: YOU CAN ONLY ASK ONE QUESTION-

Me in character as an eight-year-old: Is this a riddle?

DM: ah-

*pause as everyone including me and the DM realizes what I just did*

Other players: DON’T ANSWER THAT DON’T ANSWER THAT!!

Guardian: … NO.

by Loading Artist

reblog flying ass giant pants guys for a fortune of good luck and good cash 

The pact is sealed.

Want to throw 9 handaxes in a single turn??? Do you want to be feared??? Here’s how.

Step 1: Pick the Fighter Class okay I know it sounds basic but trUST ME on this one
Step 2: Screw those Background items!! Screw those Class items!! You don’t need ‘em!! You have dice! And according to PHB Chapter 5 page 143 table 1 “Starting Wealth by Class” *ahem* that’s 5d4 x 10 GP worth of starting equipment. So what do you buy with
C: Axes. Hand. Axes.
(Okay so assuming the maximum GP (200), get some Leather or Hide armor (10 GP) because… I mean you probably want that and then spend the rest on handaxes.)
That’s 38 Handaxes
“But Luna!” you might ask, astounded by the multitude of crude axes I have hanging around my belt, “How do you carry all of those!”
(they weigh 2 pounds each and your carrying capacity is str score times 15 so like it’s almost impossible not to be able to)
STEP 4: Throw??? Them??? Just throw them. Recover them after the battle. Also, since they have the Light property, you can use two-handed fighting to throw two per turn!
“Okay what about that fighter thi–”Okay here’s the deal
Take the two-weapon fighting style so those Bonus Action axes get that sweet, sweet STR mod. If you want, you can become a Champion, get a second fighting style, pick Archery, and now you have accurate handaxes.

Now the real money here is “how many handaxes can I throw per turn?” Keeping in mind the Fighter’s Extra Attacks and Action Surge (Note: An action surge gives an extra action, and Extra Attacks are each time you take the Attack action, so keep that in mind), I’ve made this neat little visual.

1st level: 2 axes
1st level (Action Surge use): 3 axes
5th level: 3 axes
5th level (Action Surge use): 5 axes
11th level: 4 axes
11th level (Action Surge use): 7 axes
20th level: 5 axes
20th level (Action Surge use): 9 axes 

You are now a human(oid) machine gun of handaxes.
… One last thing: Take the Sharpshooter perk. Gets rid of disadvantage at long range, meaning you can throw 9 axes from 60 feet away.
Remember: With great power comes great responsibility. And at least 38 handaxes. Godspeed.